July 2, 2010 4 Comments

The following is my contest entry for the Lovable Labels BlogHer ‘10 Giveaway Contest in the Mom Position category~ Please wish me luck!!

Long term position for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment needed:

Help Wanted: Do you delight in cleaning up poop, mopping up barf and having your name called repeatedly (to the point of obnoxious insanity) while juggling a hectic family schedule and doing all in your power to squelch your own seemingly inevitable nervous breakdown from materializing?

Then You’re Perfect for the Job of Mommy!

Are you always down for new experiences, daily surprises, and unending possibilities for personal growth and learning?  If you answered yes, yes and YES!, then you are just right for the role of Mommy.

Qualifications:

• Formal RN or LPN training with extensive bedside experience is helpful.  You should have an affinity for loose stools, projectile vomit and possibly other various bodily fluids as well. 
• Formal training as a teacher is a plus!  The ability to foster an educational upbringing is a necessity to being successful in this position.
• Did you train at the Cordon Bleu in France?  Kudos to you if you did, because it’ll be your job to make sure that all vegetables, fruits and other healthy foods are prepared in a not only edible but delectable way to ensure proper nutritional intake.
• Those with sewing, knitting and crocheting skills are highly encouraged to apply!  DIY skills can prove to be quite beneficial in this position.
• Though not absolutely necessary, it is beneficial to be what we call a frugalista.  Not one yet?  You will soon learn, and you’ll find yourself madly clipping coupons that’ll save you 10% off 99 cent boxes of macaroni.

Non-Negotiable Requirements:

• You must be capable of unconditionally loving another person. 
• Except for once in a blue moon when your significant other decides to be some sort of AWESOME, you will not have sick days or personal days from this position.
• Date nights with your spouse and girls’ nights with your best friends will no longer be priorities.
• You must be dependable, strong willed, thick skinned and persistent, at least when it comes to parenthood!
• You will be required to come when summoned for health and/or safety reasons, no matter what it is you’re doing and no matter where you are.
• Quitting is not an option.  Once you take on this position, it is yours forever.  No exceptions, no excuses.

Compensation:

• Although other positions with a similar breadth of duties and responsibilities may provide you with a 6 figure salary, in this position you will be compensated with sticky hugs, butterfly kisses, drooling smooches, spit up, food stains, soiled diapers, wailing tantrums, wet salty tears and unconditional love.

So, ready to start?

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